i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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