So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
