dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Randomize
