Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
