I just saw a hot homeless man
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
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