so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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