maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize