Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
