??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize