420 ftw
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
