I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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