Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
foreskin is a definite game changer
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
