Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
