I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
