I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
