I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
