She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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