So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
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