I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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