I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
