I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
