Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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