I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
