my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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