the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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