you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
