Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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