I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
