I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
