Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I've blown a few things in my day
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize