Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
