Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Randomize
