I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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