Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
