boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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