what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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