She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
