Taylor Swift is so right about you.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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