I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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