You're a womanizer and a bitch.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
