Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
