Already got asked if we're dating
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
