my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
