I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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