when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
