It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
