Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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