I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
