my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
