so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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