Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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