absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
