You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
