i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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