Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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