He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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