So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
