Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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