how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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