tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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