She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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