im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
