I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
