Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
