Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
