gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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