office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
