i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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