if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
